Best Intentions

Isn't there a road somewhere paved with those?

 

Has this ever happened to you?  You are at a gathering - church, a party, a social hangout of some kind - and a friend of yours walks up with a guy in tow.  The conversation goes something along the lines of "Hi Mary, this is Joe.  Joe, this is Mary.  I think you two would be perfect together."  And you find yourself hoping, praying, that God would crack the earth open under your feet and let you fall into the abyss just so you could get out of the situation.

 

All of us singles have those friends who mean well, but somehow end up either publicly embarrassing us or leaving us in delightfully awkward situations fraught with the opportunity to embarrass ourselves.  These situations usually come in some form of "setup."

 

The setup is one of those terrifying, inevitable situations that all singles dread, but kind of want.  It's like going to the dentist: you know it's going to happen sooner or later, it can either go really great or horribly wrong, and when you're in the middle of it, you're mostly holding your breath and hoping to just make it through.

 

My dear fellow singles, don't get too annoyed with your friends for constantly trying to set you up with people.  It means that they think you are an amazing person who deserves all the happiness the world can bring.  It's flattering.  Really.

 

My darling married readers, BE CAREFUL!!  Remember that these are your friends, and hopefully you want them to continue speaking to you in the future.  There is a right way and a wrong way to go about setting up your single friends.  The worst form is the flippant setup which is based on surface facts that you know both parties share.  It often sounds like this: "I know someone about your age who also drinks coffee and breathes air - you two would be perfect together."  While flattering to the single who can appreciate that you just want them to be happy, it can give the impression that you either don't know them well, or don't care enough to do your research and make a proper setup.

 

The good news is, the right way to setup your single friends isn't hard to learn.  I've compiled some basic rules for all you would-be-matchmakers.  These are by no means exhaustive rules.  They're more like guidelines, actually.  They come from nothing more reliable than my own meandering experience. 

 

You must know both parties well.

So well that it would not be unusual for you to invite them over for dinner.  Having met them briefly at a conference where you exchanged business cards does NOT count.  Having gone to school with them over a decade ago - but not spoken to them since - also does NOT count.

 

Neither party can know that it is a setup.

It eliminates all chances for a natural spark.

 

The initial setup MUST be a casual group setting.

Bowling or a party are great setup opportunities.  A double date with you and your spouse does NOT count.  The singles will smell a setup as fast as they can count to four, which is pretty quick unless they went to UW.  In which case, you might even get halfway through the evening before they suspect.

 

Give your singles a tactful escape route in case they want it.

Introductions as unpleasant as the one I mentioned above are an almost sure fire way to guarantee some sort of personal retaliation from your friends.

But maybe that was your plan?  Maybe you were hoping that they would bond through the shared experience of planning your doom.  How very thoughtful of you!


This is not an exclusive set of rules.  I'm sure there are more that will be added to the list.  But if you stick with these, you might one day be a successful matchmaker.

To my lovely singles out there, remember that every time someone tries or succeeds in setting you up, they are saying, "You're amazing and we're not giving up on you!"