The Dreaded Question

"Why are you still single?"

If you're like me, your mind is a total blank when you're asked this question.  But hours later when you're lying in bed or brushing your teeth, you can think of thousands of things you should've said:

"Probably because I never forwarded any of those chain messages in high school."

Become Bridget Jones and say, "because underneath my clothes I'm completely covered in scales."

"Because I'm socially awkward."  If you feel up to the challenge, subtly move into their personal space, avoiding eye contact, and ask if they'd like to see some proofs for your last photo shoot for your cats.

"Gravity is the only thing attracted to me."

Go Shakespearean, "Not until God makes man from some other metal than earth."

Look confused.  Say, "I am dating someone."  Motion affectionately to the air beside you.  For extra effect, make introductions, even strike up a conversation with "air-boyfriend", apologizing that the other person pretended he wasn't even there.

It is unclear why people feel the need to ask this question of singles.  Perhaps they think they are paying you a compliment by expressing their disbelief that such a witty and beautiful person has not been snatched up yet.  Or maybe they are attempting to make polite conversation, but are so accustomed to talking to other married people, they've completely forgotten what singles talk about.

For whatever reason, the question still gets asked.  A lot.

To my dear married readers:

Have mercy.

I would caution you to steer clear of any form of this question.  It's not the compliment you think it is.    You ask, "why are you still single?"  She hears, "why doesn't anyone love you?"  Vastly different than you had intended, I know.

When you think of it that way, you will understand the awkward silence and non-committal shrug response most singles favor.  Your single friend might even force a smile.  But then she will go home and cry into the chocolate ice cream she is eating straight from the carton with a fork because all the spoons are dirty.  I think there is a universal law involving the unavailability of spoons when there is a desperate emotional need for them.

If you want to know about your single friend's love life, wait.  She will bring it up, usually at the earliest opportunity.  If she isn't bringing it up, either there is nothing new, or you need to earn more trust before she feels like she can share with you.

To my dear singles:

Forgive them.

Your married friends who ask you this question aren't actually - as my dear friend, Grace, likes to call them, "idiots who deserve to be smeared with bear poop."  They are people who care a great deal about what is going on in your life.  They just don't always know how to ask you about it.  So please, don't walk away hurt or resort to emotional eating.

Don't allow a friend expressing their hope and excitement for all the possibilities in your future to overshadow the joy of the present.  Knowing that you are surrounded by loving friends, both married and single, is one of the best things in life.

There are good things ahead of you!  Don't worry, I'm not going to quote Jeremiah 29:11 at you.  But I will ask you to take the question "Why are you still single?" as the compliment it is meant to be.  Let your smile be genuine.  Value your married friends.  And don't eat ice cream with a fork.  Wash a spoon.